


Still, I feel as If I’m a walking machine

by Queenofcolors



Series: winter and birdie [4]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:19:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28455960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofcolors/pseuds/Queenofcolors
Summary: Bucky picked up the discarded shirt left on Sam’s hotel floor, bringing the shirt to his nose, sniffing it. He took in Sam’s scent of sweat and cologne and sighed happily, feeling a rush and flutter. Bucky knew he could get caught at any moment, but a part of him wanted to get caught to reveal himself to Sam, to personally hand him the gift of the sweet poem he had written in his memory journal. But another part of him knew he wasn’t ready for that, and he needed to make sure he could give Sam a safe and secure life.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Series: winter and birdie [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050218
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	Still, I feel as If I’m a walking machine

**Author's Note:**

> Song is indigo night by tamino

Bucky picked up the discarded shirt left on Sam’s hotel floor, bringing the shirt to his nose, sniffing it. He took in Sam’s scent of sweat and cologne and sighed happily, feeling a rush and flutter. Bucky knew he could get caught at any moment, but a part of him wanted to get caught to reveal himself to Sam, to personally hand him the gift of the sweet poem he had written in his memory journal. But another part of him knew he wasn’t ready for that, and he needed to make sure he could give Sam a safe and secure life.

He placed the shirt back on the floor, slipped out the door, and went to the elevator. Bucky dug through his back, pulling out the cash he had only two hundred dollars left and knew that wasn’t nearly enough to keep him going. But he remembered that Pierce had a safe house in the woods anytime he needed to hideout for a mission.

\------------

The airport was loud and bright, with people shouting and pushing past each other in a hurry. It was a sensory overload for Bucky as he weaved through the crowd to get to the airplane gate. He kept his head down and his dark thoughts at bay.

_“Солдат, ты летишь с сенатором Пирсом (Soldier, you will be flying with Senator Pierce),” The handler spoke highly of Senator Pierce as if it was a great honor to be in the presents of Pierce. The handler tugged roughly on the leash connected to the shock collar around the soldier’s neck._

_“Is this the asset I’ve been hearing about?” Pierce said, grinning. Pierce was a 40-year-old man just recently elected to the republican senate; he was aiming to become secretary one day. Pierce walked up to him with a menacing smile running his hands through the soldier’s long hair. The soldier had not yet learned that a gesture like this would only bring suffering and bleeding rectum._

_“Very, nice, thank you for handing him over. I will make sure to get good use out of him,” Pierce said with an evil glint in his eyes before tugging hard on the leash and pulling the soldier onto the plane._

“Is this your first time flying?” the woman next to Bucky startled him, making him jump in his seat. Bucky was clenching the armrest making his knuckles white.

“Here, take this, it always helps me with my nerves on flights,” the woman said, handing him a pill that made Bucky’s heart race and anxiety bubbled. Bucky had never been offered anything before, especially not an unknown pill. He let out a soft whine, his words getting stuck in his throat.

“No...Thank..You.” Bucky’s voice was rough and sounded as if he hadn’t spoken in decades. The woman shrugged, putting the pill back into the bottle and Bucky felt a rush of relief.

\------------

_The soldier only knew commands as he punched the cowering man, blood spilling out the man’s nose. The man began to mumble an Irish prayer in Gaelic. The foreign words invoked something inside the soldier. His head began to throb as he heard the laughter of a blonde-haired child echo in his mind._

_“Did you not hear me, you ungrateful piece of shit? I said kill him,” Pierce yelled harshly before pushing back the soldier and firing the gun as the soldier was jolted with 100 watts of electricity._

Bucky jolted upwards, trying to calm his breathing as he frantically looked around to see the passengers of the flight were leaving. He got up slow keeping his breathing steady as he exited the plane.

\------------

The cabin was small and underkept as wildflowers grew between the cracks of the porch. Bucky hoped there was still supplies and money here as he stepped on the creaking floor. He opened up the safe in the bedroom and found a gun and six hundred dollars, which he shoved into his backpack. As he walked out of the bedroom, his body froze as he saw the handcuffs and leash discarded on the living room floor.

_The soldier was led into the cabin with the leash, the muzzle restricting his airway as Pierce took it off with an evil grin._

_“Kneel whore,” Pierce growled, putting the handcuffs on the soldier before unzipping his pants._

Bucky let out a choking sobbing as his body violently shook. He wanted to crawl out of his skin as he dropped to his knees. He knew he needed to get out of the cabin, but fear and anxiety held him back as he got back up on wobbly legs and walked slowly to the door.

The cool afternoon breeze hit his damp tear-stained cheeks, while the beautiful tune of birds filled his ears, the thought of Sam came across his mind. Bucky pulled out his journal and sat down on the porch and watched the birds fly in the sky.

\--------------------

Bucky noticed that Sam had bought new pillows for his couch and liked the way it pulled the room together. He took out his journal, ripping the page of pencil sketched bird he drew for Sam and placed it down on the coffee table only to see a note.

The note read:  
Dear Bucky

I know it’s you who has been sending me these thoughtful gifts. I would like to finally meet with you face to face. So meet me here tomorrow night.

Sincerely,  
Sam Wilson

Bucky’s heart fluttered as he read the note for the fourth time sitting on the bed in the motel room. He held it close to his chest and smiled wide; he was finally going to meet Sam Wilson.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment


End file.
